Just a really quick update.

I'm now not going on the holiday again! (it's been so ridiculously on/off). As I mentioned, an old friend said she'd lend me the money but after sobbering up and thinking about it properly I decided against it. I have no way of paying it back. I don't know when I'm going to land a job and I just can't justify it at the moment. So that's that.

Anxiety-wise things have been in check. I went into town yesterday and was ok. I felt odd at first but stuck with it, tried to relax. A big help to me is physically telling myself to slow down (not out loud, I'm not nuts... actually that's not completely true) ie- I realised I was walking really fast and was really uptight- shoulders up, tensed muscles. I relaxed and made myself stroll instead. I think it worked.

I had to queue at the bastard bank for 20 minutes. It was trying. Luckily I managed to stay calm.