About 5 years ago I persuaded my dad to buy me the Linden Method. It didn't really work for me. I can say it had some useful techniques- like stop talking about and feeding your anxiety. Sometimes I look up items on anxiety for hours on the web. It really doesn't help; I think it makes it worse. Anyway, my aim isn't to post a review on it, it is to say that it's all starting to sound suspicious.
It is very hard to find a negative review of the product on the web. Then I realised that most of the reviews were on forums on websites owned by- yes- Linden himself! The PR machine behind the product is immense, they've got into almost every corner of the web flogging the product. Even a Google Ad I clicked on, entitled Scam-Online Linden Method, directed me to their American site for the product!
Now here's the interesting bit. Him and his wife are using false names! This immediately raises alarm bells. His name is Lyndon Griffiths and his wife is/was called Julie Farrington (mentioned as 'Beth' on the website). How weird is that? I wonder if their children are real!
Another brief post, which has since been swiftly deleted, said that one of the pyschologists working with him found out he was a big old fraud and took him to court, which he swiftly covered up! Now this of course could be made up, and is hardly a reliable source, but again, it makes you think.
Friday, 27 February 2009
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Background
I can't explain the whole history and reasons for my anxiety in one post but I can begin by explaining why I am in this state at the moment.
I came off Citalopram about 8 months ago, with the help of a therapist. I had a little trouble as I was scared that my symptoms would automatically return the minute I stopped. I'd had a very bad experience with Seroxat withdrawal 5 years previously and was worried about the same happening again. It didn't. I felt 'funny' on some days but on the whole I did well and withdrew gradually over about 4 months.
I reached a point where I felt pretty positive about things. I'd put my CV up on a recruitment website as I had days when I didn't enjoy my job and had built up enough confidence to realise that I was wasting my talents working where I was, and I should aim to get a higher salary and more responsibility. To my surprise a recruiter contacted me telling me she had the ideal job for me and would I go to the interview. At first I was hesitant and said no, making up some excuse about being too busy/ not a good time. She contacted me again a few weeks later and said they still really wanted to see me. I took a leap of faith and thought maybe it was fate and I should go to the interview to see what happens. I got the job, along with a 6k pay rise.
At the end of the first week I knew I didn't like it. I missed my old colleagues, and things I never thought I would. I tried to remain positive and think of the good things about the new job- better hours, more holiday, better money. The people sucked. The atmosphere was one of oppression and hierachy. The managers spoke to everyone below them like naughty school children (some where ex-teachers) The job was just not for me. I felt like the office junior and was treated as such. I thought I would stick it out for at least a few months as things might get better. There were a few people there who were lovely but they also hated it there so we'd just end up bitching about it whenever we could! At least I know the problem wasn't with me, as other people felt the same.
So I got progressively more upset with the situation and berated myself for being greedy and getting ideas above my station. I was also upset that I couldn't just 'brush it off' and get on with it, grin and bear it! I'd spend lunchtimes crying in the park (in the cold!). It came to a head one Monday morning 4 weeks ago. I had spent Sunday night feeling awful- a sense of dread and uneasiness came on in the afternoon and kept me awake until 2am. I got up, somehow, and went to work as usual. I tried to hold it all together, I really did, but I couldn't. As soon as my friend came in to the office I burst into tears. She understood completely, and was feeling the same. I got myself in a state. Both her and another really nice lady came to see if I was ok. They both advised I go home and agreed that the job was not worth getting ill for, why should I let this job make me so upset.
I came home and have not been back since. I went to the doctor and felt let down. He went on for 20 minutes whilst I tried to get a word in. He tried to tell me I was the problem, I tried to put him straight that I had never had any problems anywhere else and other people at my work also hated the place, he just talked over me. I told him I would rather not resort to medication just yet, so he recommended I see a therapist, the solution I was hoping for. The waiting list could be up to 5 months! The NHS, in my experience, is disgraceful when it comes to mental health. He signed me off work for 4 weeks. I have 3 days of the sick note left and I am not going back to the job. I can't.
So that is where I am up to now. I am having trouble going to the local shop without feeling panicky and like I might faint/ hyperventilate/ make a fool of myself. I am so very upset. I feel like I am back to square one. I had similar trouble about 6 years ago and I am scared that I am back there. How do I get out of it? How do I stop feeling anxious and move on? Why can't I just be normal!!
I am determined to get better. Last week I felt so helpless I googled, in all seriousness, 'how to commit suicide'! I wouldn't, of course, but I feel so low and helpless. I contacted MIND, the mental health charity, and even they were unhelpful! The guy emailed me to say that the waiting list was 4-5months for counselling and I should ring their crisis line.
I keep crying all the time and my eyes are really sore.
I think it is really important to get out of the house everyday, so that is what I am trying my best to do at the moment. My god it was hard today. I spoke to my mum and she said: 'get dressed, put your make-up on and write a shopping list'. I did it and went out. I felt shaky and hot and like people might look at me. I felt like at any moment I might break down in some kind of weird mess! Crying and rolling around on the floor... I mean, really, like I'd do that! But these thoughts come in and you can't ge them out. I feel lonely and defensive and fragile. I play the scene out in my head of what might happen in the supermarket- I'll have to run out and people will think I'm weird. I'll faint or make an arse of myself. None of this happened. My heart was beating really fast and my legs felt like jelly, but I did it, I carried on. This I think is the important thing. Keep on trying, don't give up. It may feel unpleasant and scary and frightening but stay to find out what happens. Every time you do, you'll feel better that you did.
I came off Citalopram about 8 months ago, with the help of a therapist. I had a little trouble as I was scared that my symptoms would automatically return the minute I stopped. I'd had a very bad experience with Seroxat withdrawal 5 years previously and was worried about the same happening again. It didn't. I felt 'funny' on some days but on the whole I did well and withdrew gradually over about 4 months.
I reached a point where I felt pretty positive about things. I'd put my CV up on a recruitment website as I had days when I didn't enjoy my job and had built up enough confidence to realise that I was wasting my talents working where I was, and I should aim to get a higher salary and more responsibility. To my surprise a recruiter contacted me telling me she had the ideal job for me and would I go to the interview. At first I was hesitant and said no, making up some excuse about being too busy/ not a good time. She contacted me again a few weeks later and said they still really wanted to see me. I took a leap of faith and thought maybe it was fate and I should go to the interview to see what happens. I got the job, along with a 6k pay rise.
At the end of the first week I knew I didn't like it. I missed my old colleagues, and things I never thought I would. I tried to remain positive and think of the good things about the new job- better hours, more holiday, better money. The people sucked. The atmosphere was one of oppression and hierachy. The managers spoke to everyone below them like naughty school children (some where ex-teachers) The job was just not for me. I felt like the office junior and was treated as such. I thought I would stick it out for at least a few months as things might get better. There were a few people there who were lovely but they also hated it there so we'd just end up bitching about it whenever we could! At least I know the problem wasn't with me, as other people felt the same.
So I got progressively more upset with the situation and berated myself for being greedy and getting ideas above my station. I was also upset that I couldn't just 'brush it off' and get on with it, grin and bear it! I'd spend lunchtimes crying in the park (in the cold!). It came to a head one Monday morning 4 weeks ago. I had spent Sunday night feeling awful- a sense of dread and uneasiness came on in the afternoon and kept me awake until 2am. I got up, somehow, and went to work as usual. I tried to hold it all together, I really did, but I couldn't. As soon as my friend came in to the office I burst into tears. She understood completely, and was feeling the same. I got myself in a state. Both her and another really nice lady came to see if I was ok. They both advised I go home and agreed that the job was not worth getting ill for, why should I let this job make me so upset.
I came home and have not been back since. I went to the doctor and felt let down. He went on for 20 minutes whilst I tried to get a word in. He tried to tell me I was the problem, I tried to put him straight that I had never had any problems anywhere else and other people at my work also hated the place, he just talked over me. I told him I would rather not resort to medication just yet, so he recommended I see a therapist, the solution I was hoping for. The waiting list could be up to 5 months! The NHS, in my experience, is disgraceful when it comes to mental health. He signed me off work for 4 weeks. I have 3 days of the sick note left and I am not going back to the job. I can't.
So that is where I am up to now. I am having trouble going to the local shop without feeling panicky and like I might faint/ hyperventilate/ make a fool of myself. I am so very upset. I feel like I am back to square one. I had similar trouble about 6 years ago and I am scared that I am back there. How do I get out of it? How do I stop feeling anxious and move on? Why can't I just be normal!!
I am determined to get better. Last week I felt so helpless I googled, in all seriousness, 'how to commit suicide'! I wouldn't, of course, but I feel so low and helpless. I contacted MIND, the mental health charity, and even they were unhelpful! The guy emailed me to say that the waiting list was 4-5months for counselling and I should ring their crisis line.
I keep crying all the time and my eyes are really sore.
I think it is really important to get out of the house everyday, so that is what I am trying my best to do at the moment. My god it was hard today. I spoke to my mum and she said: 'get dressed, put your make-up on and write a shopping list'. I did it and went out. I felt shaky and hot and like people might look at me. I felt like at any moment I might break down in some kind of weird mess! Crying and rolling around on the floor... I mean, really, like I'd do that! But these thoughts come in and you can't ge them out. I feel lonely and defensive and fragile. I play the scene out in my head of what might happen in the supermarket- I'll have to run out and people will think I'm weird. I'll faint or make an arse of myself. None of this happened. My heart was beating really fast and my legs felt like jelly, but I did it, I carried on. This I think is the important thing. Keep on trying, don't give up. It may feel unpleasant and scary and frightening but stay to find out what happens. Every time you do, you'll feel better that you did.
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