Oh yes my loves. I will be working full time from Monday! I am very nervous about it, obviously, but I'm pleased. During the interview (it was more of a casual chat) I had to battle the negative thoughts, but I tried to focus on what we were chatting about and quiet my silly inner critic. For some reason I started thinking I was going to be sick. Ridiculous! Have I ever just suddenly been sick? no! Usually one doesn't just projectile vomit in the middle of a conversation out of the blue! Still, as we know, anxiety is not very rational.
I managed to get through it well, and we were all grinning like idiots by the end of it. I left and my mobile rang and they ask me to pop back and offered me the job! I think it'll be a fun working environment. It's going to be really busy but maybe that's for the best. Occupied minds have no time to wander. They are two blokes who are roughly my age, so we should get on well. I have to keep telling myself that this is NOT going to be like the last job. I will NOT end up like that again. I'm scared.
Friday, 25 March 2011
Friday, 4 March 2011
How am I?
I'm good!
Yesterday I went on the London Underground on my own! I travelled from Norfolk to West Sussex via central London. I was so nervous before I got the train. But I stayed calm, relaxed and was fine. The anticipatory anxiety, in my case, is far worse than actually doing the thing you're terrified off. The tube wasn't a walk in the park by any stretch of the imagination but I grinned and bared it. It was only 5 or 6 stops, but loads and loads of people got on at Oxford Circus- eek! Squashed, anxious person in a metal tube= panic rising in the pit of the stomach! I survived.
And today? I went for a really thorough interview. I think I did well. Again, the lesson to myself is, the anticipating is far worse than the reality. In fact, running through my mind when I was sat in the car waiting (of course I was ridiculously early!) was that I could turn around and come home and no-one would be any the wiser (John, family- obviously the company might twig!!). I could say 'yeah, it went well, I'll wait and hear'. But I did it, and I'm bloody pleased with myself. Even if I don't get the job, I feel like every little (or big) thing that I can do, makes me stronger.
Let's hope, if I do get it, or another job, it doesn't end in the same fashion as my previous one two years ago. Let's not even think about that for now!
Yesterday I went on the London Underground on my own! I travelled from Norfolk to West Sussex via central London. I was so nervous before I got the train. But I stayed calm, relaxed and was fine. The anticipatory anxiety, in my case, is far worse than actually doing the thing you're terrified off. The tube wasn't a walk in the park by any stretch of the imagination but I grinned and bared it. It was only 5 or 6 stops, but loads and loads of people got on at Oxford Circus- eek! Squashed, anxious person in a metal tube= panic rising in the pit of the stomach! I survived.
And today? I went for a really thorough interview. I think I did well. Again, the lesson to myself is, the anticipating is far worse than the reality. In fact, running through my mind when I was sat in the car waiting (of course I was ridiculously early!) was that I could turn around and come home and no-one would be any the wiser (John, family- obviously the company might twig!!). I could say 'yeah, it went well, I'll wait and hear'. But I did it, and I'm bloody pleased with myself. Even if I don't get the job, I feel like every little (or big) thing that I can do, makes me stronger.
Let's hope, if I do get it, or another job, it doesn't end in the same fashion as my previous one two years ago. Let's not even think about that for now!
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