Hang on in there baby!

I'm going on holiday on Saturday with John.

Today I drove to our nearest town to search for some last minutes bits, on my own. I then drove to another town to see if Matalan had any jewellery that was bargainous- I got some lovely faux pearls that tie with a bow for bobbity pence!

I also visted Tescos and calmly and slowly walked around and browsed for about 30mins. It was busy.

I've been completely on my own for 3 days and I am fine. I haven't disolved into a puddle of freakiness (in the English sense of the word!!) nor am I suffering from that god awful detached reality thing.

The moral of this story is, if you've stumbled upon this blog at your lowest point, if you feel like you can't even go to the end of the road without wanting to run home, you have to believe it won't always be like this.

I'm still not about to go travelling across London on the tube on my own any time soon, but maybe, one day!

I had to go back on Citalopram. I had to move back to the country with my mum and dad for while. And I had to stop beating myself up because I suffer from anxiety. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. I did little things at a time. And I had to talk myself into doing those things. Back in April I walked around Tesco with my dad actually hanging on to his arm for dear life, I fought every fibre in my being not to escape. I stuck with it. The next time I went (or indeed, a few times later), I went off to find an item on my own (for 10 seconds!). You get the picture. If it takes baby steps then so be it.

Even today, when I consider myself to be 100 times better than at the beginning of the year, I felt mildly anxious when I first got out of the car in town. I breathed regularly, not too deeply, and distracted myself, and I stuck with it. The anxiety went after a while.

I guess I just wanted to return to this blog to say, hang on in there, and if I can help in any way at all, please feel free to let me know. I know how you feel.

Jenny

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