Well, the 'wobble' has lasted all summer. I have good days and bad days. I haven't returned to medication yet, although deep down I fear it's the only way I can feel normal. I'm having counselling, it helps.
Tomorrow I have to get on an aeroplane. Fly 2.5 hours to a country I've never been to. Socialise with my extended family and strangers for two days then fly home. It's the stuff of an anxiety sufferer's nightmares!
I'm feeling all kinds of weird today. Tired, dizzy, a little detached. All the while I know it's very simply adrenaline mixed in with a little bit of hyperventilation. In my more self- pitying moments I feel despair. I so desperately want to just go and have a good time! So that's what I'm going to try, anxious or not. Nothing bad will happen. The worse is I could have a panic attack, or several. This is highly unlikely. Although everyday is filled with life altering anxiety, I haven't had what I call a full blown panic attack for over 10 years. That's something I guess.
Today I plan to clean my house and rest.
I've got nothing more to say as I'm finding it difficult to think straight, but I thought it might help to write it down.
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